I guess my biggest news for today is that I don't really have a headache. Yay! I've been fighting a really bad headache for 2 weeks. Two weeks ago, Dwane and I got a new mattress and new pillows, and I also started a new prescription. I figured that one of those factors (or a combination of both) could have started the headache. Then, I was convinced I must have a brain tumor. With everything that went on with Dad, and is going on with Jim and Kayla, I just figured it was my turn. And in my current frame of mind, I was determined that if it was a brain tumor, I didn't want to fight it. I just wanted to die. Boy! What a pity party I was having! Of course, the obsessing about that certainly didn't help the headaches. Anyway, middle of last week, I stopped taking my prescription. Helped a little. Not much. Last night, I gave up the new pillows. For the fist time in two weeks, I woke up without a headache. I have a little one now, but not enough to take Advil for it.

Dwane and Alice also concluded that a lot of the headache was probably just tension. I think I agree. I have really been so strong (I think) through my Dad's death. I've tried so hard to hold it together for my kids, my Mom, and the rest of my family. I just wanted to be their rock. And, I think I wanted to be there for them so that I didn't have to face it myself. I mean, I haven't even really sobbed about my Dad's death yet. I've cried for a few minutes here or there, but I haven't bawled. I haven't tried to punch a wall. I haven't screamed at God. I just feel like if I go there, I won't ever come back to reality. I am AFRAID to grieve. No. I'm TERRIFIED to grieve. So, Dwane's theory is that all of that emotion has just balled up in my head. I'm sure he's right. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to just let it out...