LIES WOMEN BELIEVE

This weekend, I finished the Bible study, Lies Women Believe, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I thought I would share a couple of thoughts that I found were most thought-provoking:

THE LIE: "I need to learn to love myself." Nancy teaches: "According to God's Word, the Truth is that we were created in the image of God, that He loves us, and that we are precious to Him. However, we do not bestow that worth on ourselves. Nor do we experience the fullness of God's love by telling ourselves how lovable we are. To the contrary, Jesus taught that it is in losing our lives that we find our lives. The message of self-love puts people on a lonely, one-way path to misery...We are constantly looking out for ourselves, deeply sensitive to our own feelings and needs, always conscious of how things and people affect us. The reason some of us get hurt so easily is not because we hate ourselves but because we love ourselves! We want to be accepted, cherished, and treated well. If we did not care so much about ourselves, we would not be so concerned about being rejected, neglected, or mistreated. The fact is, we do not hate ourselves, nor do we need to learn to love ourselves. We need to learn how to deny ourselves, so we can do that which does not come naturally--to truly love God and others."

THE LIE: "I don't have time to do everything I'm supposed to do." Nancy teaches: The Truth is that all I have to do is the work God assigns to me. What a freedom it has been for me to accept that there is time for me to do everything that is on God's "to do" list for my day, for my week, and for my life! (emphasis original). The frustration comes when I attempt to take on responsibilities that are not on His agenda for me. When I establish my own agenda or let others determine the priorities for my lief, rather than taking time to discern what it is that God wants me to do, I end up buried under piles of half-finished, poorly done, or never-attempted projects and tasks. I live with guilt, frustration, and haste, rather than enjoying the peaceful, well-ordered life that He intends."

THE LIE: "My husband is supposed to serve me." Nancy teaches: "The Truth is that God did not make the man to be a "helper" to the woman. He made the woman to be a "helper" to the man. Of couse, this does not mean that men are not to serve their wives and children. If men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, there must be the willingness to lay down their lives and become servants, even as Christ did for His bride. But if we as women focus on what we "deserve", on our "rights", or on what men "ought" to do for us, we will become vulnerable to hurt and resentment when our expectations are not fulfilled. Blessing and joy are the fruit of seeking for ways to bless, serve, and minister to the needs of our families...One of the things that strikes me most about the "virtuous woman" of Proverbs 31 is the fact that she is so utterly selfless. She is not seeking "self-fulfillment"; she isn't interested in advancing "her career," having her own bank account, or being known for her personal accomplishments. To the contrary, she seems virtually unconcerned about her own interests and needs, choosing instead to focus on how she can meet the practical needs of her husband and children, as well as others in her community. On first reading this passage, one might be tempted to agree with Ann Oakley's conclusion that homemakers are an oppressed breed. But take a fresh look at this woman: She is well dressed (v.22); She and her family have food to eat and enough to share with others (vv. 15, 20); She lives a well-ordered life; she is emotionally stable and free from fear about the future (vv. 21, 25); Her husband is crazy about her--he is faithful to her, he feels she is "one in a million" and tells her so, and he brags about her to his friends (vv. 11, 28-29, 31); and Her children honor and praise her (v.28). Doesn't sound like an oppressed woman to me!"

THE LIE ABOUT SUBMISSION: "The wife is not to provide input or express her opinions to her husband." Nancy teaches: "God created the woman to be a "helper suitable" to her husband. That means he needs her help. He needs the input and insight she is able to bring to various situations. It also means that once a wife has graciously and humbly expressed her heart on the matter, if her husband chooses to act contrary to her counsel, she must be willing to back off and trust God with the consequences of her husband's decision."

THE LIE: "If my husband is passive, I've got to take the initiative, or nothing will get done." Referring to the Fall in the Garden of Eden, Nancy teaches: "This passage evokes a troubling picture in my mind. The couple is together in the Garden. The Serpent approaches them, ignores the man, and strikes up a conversation with the woman, fully aware that God has placed her under the authority of her husband and that both of them are under God's authority. (Notice Satan's strategy to subver God's authority structure by going directly to the woman.) Satan starts the exchange by asking her a question: 'Did God really say, "You must not eat from any tree in the garden"?' At this point, notice what the woman does not do. She does not acknowledge her husband, who is standing by her side. She does not say to the Serpent, "I'd like you to meet my husband.' She does not turn to her husband and ask, 'Honey, how do you think we should respond?' or 'Adam, why don't you tell him what God said to you.' She carries on the entire conversation with the Serpent as if her husband were not there. Further, when it comes time to make a choice, she takes matters into her her own hands. She does not consult with her husband on the matter; she does not ask his input or direction; she simply acts: 'She took some and ate it'. And what is Adam doing this whole time? He is doing what a lot of women tell me their husbands do so much of the time: Nothing. He doesn't interfere; he doesn't get involved--except to eat some fruit himself when his wife gives it to him. All of a sudden, we have the first role reversal...I can't help but wonder to what extent we women have demotivated and emasculated the men around us by our quickness to take the reins rather than waiting on the Lord to move men to action. We can so easily strip men of the motiviation to rise to the challenge and provide the necessary leadership. To make matters worse, when they do take action, the women they look to for encouragement and affirmation correct them or tell them how they could have done it better."

This book challenged my thinking tremendously. I'm not saying that I agree or disagree with everything she said (although her teachings are all very much backed up by Scripture--and how do you argue with that), but boy, this study made me THINK. I would encourage every woman to read it.